If you look up “text bombing” online, you’ll see it defined as a form of cyber attack where someone sends a deluge of non-stop messages. The “text bombing” I’d like to talk about today is much less threatening. I’d like to chat about the texts some of us might get from our kids, or maybe ones I’ve been known to send from time to time. Those texts that scream, “Come quick, I’m in trouble and you need to stop what you’re doing and fix it!”

After having both received and sent a good number of these calls-for-attention, I was thinking that The Pause is the perfect tool to utilize in circumstances like these. Because what I’ve noticed is, if someone is truly in distress, they pick up the phone. Right there, I can often weed out the urgency. So, whether I’m deciding how to respond to one of these messages or deciding if I should send one of these messages, there are three questions I can ask myself.

Let’s start with receiving:

1. Is this truly an emergency? Are ya really in trouble, or are you just moody, grumpy, sad, or overwhelmed with what your day’s throwing atcha? The quote that helps me crack this code is, “Urgent things are rarely important, and important things are rarely urgent.”
2. Do I have time in my day to give this my attention right now? This martyr has been known to completely drop what she’s doing to help, only to find out that the problem at hand could have been managed later, OR could have been completely avoided if the person on the other side of the phone simply ate when they were hungry, got rest when they were tired, or took a deep breath when they needed to settle their nerves. And, while I’m powerless to these eruptions in others, I am responsible for how I choose to respond to them. If addressing the text in the middle of my day is going to make me resentful, I have to get honest with that when I’m pausing and deciding what my next right decision is.
3. Can this person rely on other people in their life to handle this one? I can’t be there for everyone all the time. Occasionally, my loved ones are going to have to go to the next name on their contact list, and that’s completely ok. This is when my faith reminds me that I don’t have to feel bad that I couldn’t help this time around because, Everything is in perfect order. 

Now, let’s shift to sending one of these texts. Before I tap that arrow I can ask myself three very similar questions:

1. Is this truly an emergency, Mags? This acronym really helps me when my typing thumbs are locked and loaded to blow up someone else’s day with my drama, PAUSE – Postpone Action Until Serenity Exists. 
2. Is this worth interrupting someone else’s day or, can I talk with my loved one later in the day? A lot of people have jobs where they can’t tend to outside heavy topics in the middle of their work day. If I know this, the worst thing I can do is to make their day more stressful with my temper tantrum.
3. Am I reaching out to the person who can truly give me what I need right now? If I genuinely need support from someone to help me process an emotional flair-up, there’s a good chance that if I just pause I’ll think of the perfect person to get in touch with. When I don’t take this time to reflect, I end up reaching out to the wrong person and I become even more annoyed that I’m not getting what I want from that knucklehead. Check out my episode from February, Expectations – Am I Setting People Up for Failure, if you need more on the dangers of falling into that trap!

At the end of the day, when I looked at my serial text bombing behavior, it kind of felt selfish. Because Team, my text aren’t, “Someone’s hurt come quick.” They’re like, “You would not believe what so and so just friggin’ said to me!” And hey, if there is something real that I need to reach out to a loved one to process in the course of a day, by all means, I’m picking up the phone. But now, I try to take a breath before texting, when the only reason I’m reaching out is to get someone else as pissed off as I am about something.

This is why apps like Marco Polo are perfect for emotional people like me. Marco Polo is a free app for sending video messages back and forth with friends. It gives me a place to put my volatile feelings in a recorded message, and then my friend or family member has the ability to watch it when it’s completely convenient for them. I love when I can find ways that technology can restore my serenity rather than confiscate it—and it turns out that all I have to do is exercise my right to PAUSE.  

Please be sure to check out some of my other episodes on pausing:
The Pause – This One Thing Has Changed My Entire Life
6 Ways To Avoid Stress – Dodging Stress That I Personally Manufacture

Next week, we’re going to be discussing one sided friendships! Yay!
Have a great rest of your week, and thanks so much for listening~