Why is it that whenever one of my children is particularly kind and loving to me, I immediately assume they’ve got an ulterior motive? It’s staggering how quickly I can go down the dark hole of conspiracy… This little bugger wants something. And judging from the tone, it’s something I’m not in the habit of giving them.
Then there’s my Nana McCormick. One of the things Nana was known for was her unsuspecting belief in others. When the stories are retold, however, no one knows for certain if Nana was gullible, or knew exactly what was happening and chose to overlook it. Given that she alleged she couldn’t understand swear words—I’m going to go with the latter.
When I connect to what’s really going on in these moments of skepticism, it’s my ego. It doesn’t want to be deceived—by anyone. Comin’ in here being all lovey dovey… yer not gonna fool me ya little sneak. I’ll show you!
I’ll show you? Is this really a fun way to live? Allowing my fear and ego to get in the way of trusting others. And what’s the long term effect of that mistrust between a parent and a child? Hell, what’s the long term effect of that mistrust between me and the rest of the world?
My goal has never been to live in angst that people are after me in some way, shape, or form. However, if I spend my time searching for ulterior motives, that’s exactly what my life begins to look like. If I want loving relationships and serenity, I have to put down my ego-driven habit of suspicious condemnation and pick up Nana’s habit of uncomplicated acceptance.
But for the record, Team—Nana’s approach gets kicked to the curb the instant one of them mutters, “I’m just holding it for a friend.”
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Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.
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Daniel Shay says:
Couldn’t agree more…. I find myself responding like this and it feels wrong but I also feel justified at times… im going to make a concerted effort to be more trusting. Thank you.
mags says:
Daniel,
It’s funny though, I don’t know if I need to be more trusting or more oblivious..
Let’s be honest, most of the time they’re lying. And the more kids you have, the easier it is to lie.
But who cares, right? I used to a LOT…too much.
I’m trying to care less about the nonsense so I can care more about the people.
I’ll keep you posted.
christine toner says:
As always your timing is well, right on time. I am totally guilty of this ego-driven habit . . . as in just yesterday with my kids. ????????♀️ What a great reminder to recognize the fear and think instead WWNMD. ox
mags says:
Christine, if it’s any consolation, what mdp would do is the exact same thing you did.
This is all a work in progress…the crappy (good?) thing is when I become aware of it, I realize just how often I do it — oops!