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Did Anyone Ask You? Three Issues With Giving Unsolicited Advice

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Do you ever invest time and energy into making someone else’s life more comfortable despite never being asked to help? I often find myself convinced I know what’s best for someone else. Or worse, I find myself offering them unsolicited advice. Who am I to say what’s best for another person?

Sometimes I assume someone needs my help before waiting for them to ask for it. When I do this, three issues pop up:

      1. I become too invested in the situation because the minute I put energy into fixing something, I immediately become more invested in the problem actually being fixed.
      2. I become exhausted because it’s incredibly tiring to try and fix someone else… especially someone who doesn’t want fixing.
      3. I become resentful because I want them to appreciate the guidance and support I’ve offered, not even taking into consideration that they never even asked for it in the first place!

One of the hardest times for me to keep my mouth shut is when one of my kids is going on and on complaining about their life. First of all, I want them to stop their complaining, but second of all—I know exactly what they could do to fix the issue! But, let’s be honest people, they don’t want to fix it, they just want to feel seen and heard. Instead of going into fix-mode, I’ve been taught to say something like, “This sounds tough. I know when you’re ready, you’ll do what it will take to change the situation. You’re a very strong person.”

And yes, Team, I also still mess this one up all the time… before I know it, I’m opening my big wazoo. But other times, I remember to use that pause button. At the end of the day, I want to be a good listener, and being a good listener is just another one of those things that I can’t get better at unless I work at it.

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  1. Amen?? I’m still a work in progress at 74…but I’m working on it. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom today ♥️

    • Thanks for checking in Dawn.
      Yeah, with stuff like this, I’m going to need reminding till the end of time.
      And again, thank you for your support~

  2. Thanks for your reminder and words of wisdom which I have to continually remind myself of 🙂 How is your knee feeling ?? Hope your doing well

    • Beate, the fact that you’re continually reminding yourself feels like 80% of the battle – way to go!
      Thanks so much for asking about me knee – I’m coming along.
      I just keep reminding myself, that I’m not 100% yet, so I’ve been giving myself lots of permission to take it easy.
      It’s honestly been amazing. It feels so wonderful to slow down.
      Now I’m working on bringing that speed into the spring – NOT going to be easy.

  3. Yeah, we really do need to let each other have our own rides – not get em all sticky with our fingerprints, but particularly with family, that can be tough.
    Thanks for the pause button reminder. Keep on shinin the light, Mags.

      If a forensic team came in here after I left, would I be charged with meddling in other people’s business?!

Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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