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Do I Protect the Offender or the Offended? Standing Up for What I Believe In

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TeamConfessioners know how I talk a big game when it comes to keeping my mouth shut and staying out of other people’s business. But, you also know I’ve been working on advocating for myself. What happens when advocating for myself looks very much like meddling in someone else’s business?

Years ago, I was almost compulsively butting into a situation in our extended family. I couldn’t seem to control myself. Before spending time with these family members, I would rigorously lecture myself, MamaDe, mind your own friggin’ business and keep your trap shut! But, as soon as that tiny creature’s curt tone popped out of that cute little mouth, I’d burst in with, “Dude, you can’t talk to your mother like that around me.”

My friends have taught me that sometimes, Saying nothing is saying something. As I’ve been paying closer attention to when and why I speak up, I’ve come to understand that it’s about my comfort level. If I feel uncomfortable or unsafe because people aren’t being treated with kindness and respect—I’ve gotta speak up. It doesn’t matter if the disrespected person is me or someone I love. Saying something is just another way to set a boundary about how I expect people to be treated when I’m around.

While it’s tough work, I’ve noticed that the more I speak up, the more I believe in myself. And that confidence is bringing with it an assertiveness that, in the past, I’ve been threatened by. ‘Threatened by,’ why? Because of my unrelenting people-pleasing. Team, how insane is it that someone could get hurt while I’m right there simply because I’m worried about offending the offender. WTH?

I still have a lot of mountain left to climb when it comes to finding my voice, but I’ll end with a quote G-Man found on Instagram:

“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefit from you not having any.”

Now that little reminder certainly gives me some confidence with my climb.

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  1. Thanks Mags… this makes a ton of sense… ad nice quote G!

    • Thanks for checking in Daniel.
      I had a situation the other day when an offender was offending.
      I didn’t say anything, but I got up and walked away and all the energy felt like it shifted in just that act.
      #babysteps 🙂

  2. Thanks, Mags – really relate.

    • Those friggin’ offenders, right?
      How do they have so much friggin’ power over me…
      Oh yeah, because I give it to them.
      The gig is up bully!

Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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