This week, I needed to hear something a friend said. “When I feel guilty, I’m likely doing something to take care of myself.” She went on to explain that self-care was considered to be “selfish” in her household growing up. Because of this, she knows to ignore those feelings when they come up, and to just go right on pampering herself.

We basically have four teenagers in our home—we’re no strangers to self-centered behavior. But we don’t have a use for the word “selfish” in our home. I’ve learned from G, the kids, and others, how much it serves the entire family unit when I invite time for joy and self-care into my day. So, no one here is made to feel guilty when they’re caring for their own needs. And my hope is that it throws up a big ‘ol red flag for the kids if they’re ever in a relationship where they’re discouraged from meeting their own needs and/or shamed for not putting others first.

I think my buddy Thick Nhat Hahn says it best, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”