Today is Confessions’ 350th post and that got me thinking about doing tough things in life one step at a time. The story I’m going to share with you today is from many, many moons ago in my college days when I rowed crew for Fordham University in the Bronx. Ya see, I attended Fordham University at Lincoln Center in Manhattan. However, the college had an intercampus transportation system called the RamVan that could whisk me back to Manhattan after nighttime practices. 

On this particular evening after training, I absolutely had to make the next van leaving the Rose Hill in the Bronx for a performance I was in at Lincoln Center campus in Manhattan. But, here’s the thing—the boathouse was over two miles from the University. I shared this stressful news with my fellow rowers and one of them volunteered to get me to the RamVan on time. 

“And, how are you going to do that Ryan?”
“Well Mags, we’re going to run.”
“Say what? All the way back up the hill to campus? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, Ryan.”

You see, up to this point, Team, I had never run two consecutive miles in my entire life. I fancy myself more of a sprinter, you see. But, desperate times call for desperate measures, so I took Ryan up on his offer. 

This evil, evil man would not let me stop moving my feet no matter how much I begged, friends. Performance? What performance? The show can go on without me—I caNOT do this.

“Mags, keep moving your feet.”
“But Ryan, we’re waiting for the walk sign.”
“Mags, KEEP MOVING YOUR FEET!”
“Oh my God, I’m going to die out here!”

As it might be obvious to you all now, Mean Ryan did not kill me that night. He actually made me stronger. And not in a, “No pain, no gain way,” but we’ll get to that later. Mean Ryan delivered on his promise. And even though I looked like I had just been mugged on Fordham Road by the New York City Road Runners Club, I made it to Lincoln Center on time!

Recently, I had another experience that reminded me of my time with Mean Ryan. And as I mentioned Team, this isn’t about “No pain, no gain.” This is about major hand-holding. I was reminded that if I really want something in my life, and in some cases need something, I might have to be led through it by someone else. Because there are simply some things in my life that overwhelm the crap out of me. Things that I absolutely would never or could never do on my own. For those things, it’s best if I find someone to hold my hand while I’m doing it. And when someone is holding my hand, I actually can get through that thing I never thought I could do, one step at a time.

Now, years later, what do I remember from that night? Not the discomfort of what Mean Ryan forced me to do, I only remember how flipping amazing it felt to do something I never thought I could do and frankly didn’t know I could do. After the miserable discomfort of facing a difficult challenge in my journey, the emotional cream that rises to the top is not the hardship of the experience, but the pride and confidence it generated within me. 

This might sound like I’m going off on a tangent, but stick with me here, Team. Have you guys felt baby blankets lately? They are like puppy-tummy soft. Remember how blankets felt in the 70’s? More like say, an emery board. I’m pretty sure we could use the baby blankets of our youth to file our nails today. And I’ve realized recently that my life can feel like one of these new blankets: labradoodle soft. I have a smartphone that makes almost everything in my life easier, a car that takes me where I need to go, food I don’t have to grow or raise myself. Living with all of that comfort, I can forget about how much confidence and joy can come when I work through something that’s truly 1975 baby blanket uncomfortable for me.

With Confessions, the 350 posts have been a one step at a time process that I’ve been capable of doing without major hand holding. But today, I want to thank the Mean and Nice Ryans of this world. The people who hold my hand through the incredibly difficult hills and encourage me to keep moving my feet when I don’t feel like I can. But that means I also can’t forget to thank the people in my life who taught me to say out loud:

I need help. Can someone please help me?

Next week, I’m going to share what my oldest daughter reminded me about healing people who don’t want to be healed. Please be sure to tune in for that.

And hey, if you’ve been listening to Confessions for a while and you haven’t done so already—please, head over to Apple Podcasts and give the show a 5-star rating and maybe even a review. This really helps me out—can you please help me? Haha! And hey, if you’re on your phone already and you’re listening from my website, just click the purple icon by the podcast player. The one that says “Listen on Apple Podcasts.” That will bring you to Apple Podcasts and you can just scroll down to the “Ratings & Reviews” section. Thank you Team, I really appreciate it!

And, as always, thanks so much for listening!