While recovering from knee surgery, I’ve realized how horrible it feels when someone acts stressed, annoyed, or put out while helping me. On the other hand, when people offer a gracious and loving hand, it feels amazing. I have such a deep appreciation for the people who’ve come to my aid with a smile on their faces—it’s made all the difference.

In my previous life, I often spent hours helping people I never really wanted to help in the first place. When the time came to look at my attitude around giving, these were the questions I asked myself: 

-Is this about the specific person I’m helping?

-Do I feel like I can never please this person?

-Is this about what I’m being asked to do?

-Do I feel like I’m being taken advantage of?

-Is this about something that’s happened in the past?

-What’s really going on with this anger inside of me right now?

Being on the receiving end of help makes me realize how important these questions are for me to ask when I’m the giver. When I make a decision to help someone (and it is a conscious decision—I didn’t always know that), I want to be able to give with love in my heart. That’s why I take time to consider any future resentment I may feel, and use that as my giving meter. If I’m going to be a Bitter Betty, it’s my job to set a boundary.

On the other hand, I’m so happy to have been taught that the seed of giving begins inside of me. And because it begins in me, it grows in me. That knowledge makes it so much less about the other person and how I feel about them. It’s about how I feel about me. Another way to take back control—yahoooo!