The other day, I was thinking about how hard it is to continue to be loving to someone who is dangling by the last thread of my patience. It seems like when I’m in a bad place with another person, all I see is red with absolutely every single thing they do. 

I’m reminded of the Buddhist quote, “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” When I’m punishing myself through a troubled relationship in my life, my only way out is to get quiet and remind myself of all the things I love and admire about that person. And, let’s be honest, I might have to remind myself over and over again. And if that’s not working, I get laser focused on compassion for the other person’s journey. At the same time, I have to ask for all of my judgment, criticism, and pain to be taken from me. Because the thing is, I’m usually acting angry, but what I really am is…sad.

Ultimately, the quiet time I carve out for myself can heal my relationships. That reflection time isn’t about forcing myself to forgive someone else, it’s about looking at my relation to my lack of forgiveness. If I’m having trouble letting go of my anger towards another person, it begs the question, what haven’t I forgiven myself for?