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Happier Thanksgiving – The Manipulation of Inauthentic Questions

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At this time of year, I like to remind myself that asking inauthentic questions of my family members is a form of manipulation. When I ask questions about why they’re doing what they’re doing rather than asking them how they feel about what they’re doing, it can quickly become an unhappy Thanksgiving.

“Oooooh, you’re going to go there?”

“Wait, why are you doing it that way?”

“Isn’t this just going to make it harder for you?”

The message these kinds of questions send is:

  • I’m disappointed in your choice.
  • My way is always the best way—for me, for you, for everyone.
  • I don’t trust you. (Or, even worse…) You’re not worthy of my trust.

It means a lot to me when people use questions to encourage me to look at situations from different angles. So, how do you think this job opportunity will improve your life? Those kinds of questions make me feel seen and heard.

I want my family members to know I have faith in them. And, when I ask them about their feelings instead of questioning their choices, it makes for a much Happier Thanksgiving.

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    Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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