Years ago, when I was taking photographs for one of the kids’ sports teams, I was struck by one of the athlete’s assertiveness. While I was clicking away, a child stopped and said, “I don’t want my picture taken now.” I was so struck by their statement. Not because I was put off by the assertiveness, but because I wasn’t. In years past I would have been so hurt and offended by someone rejecting me like that. But in this case, I was so proud of the young person for being brave enough to set a clear line with me.

As you know, I often struggle with setting healthy boundaries. But since I’ve figured this out about myself, I’ve been able to experience rejection in a whole new light. While I used to take it so personally, now I take notes. I can learn something from these people:

This is what it looks like to advocate for yourself. 

This is what it looks like to prioritize your needs. 

This is what it looks like to speak out about what makes you uncomfortable.

I know everyone doesn’t establish their parameters in a gentle and kind way, but I don’t want to miss the bigger picture. If I make their assertiveness about the tone, or how they go about getting their needs met (the way I used to), I make it about me and completely lose the lesson. The bottom line is, just because I know how to ask nicely for what I want, doesn’t mean that I actually ask for what I want!

Assertive people: Please, keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll be over here spying on you and continually trying to follow your lead. Oh, and thank you oh-so-much for the inspiration.