There used to be nothing that drove me crazier than waiting for my husband. He used to run late constantly and I was left staring at the clock almost every time we made plans. But there was one specific event that ended up being a turning point with how I perceived this infuriating pattern in our relationship.

We were two kids into our growing family and had made plans to meet at the St. George’s carnival at 6 pm. When I got there (on time, with kids in tow) I discovered that the carnival didn’t open till 6:30 pm. 6:05, 6:15, 6:25… no G-Man. For those of you who don’t have children, this is not an ideal time of day to be on the side of a busy road with two toddlers waiting for another adult to show up. He finally arrived after 6:30 pm. Not surprisingly, it proved to be a tense carnival night for TeamDe.

While frustrated, I couldn’t blame him that he made us late for something. The carnival opened right when he got there. In this case, I was forced to look at the bigger picture.

My husband runs late. BUT, he’s also the person who will sit with me if I’m sad or upset—even though he’s missing his train for work. He’s someone who will stay and listen. I’m someone who will say, “Hold that thought, I’m going to miss my train, I’ll call you from the car.” Neither is right, neither is wrong. But looking at it from another angle completely shifts our relationship.

Now, I try my best to spend much less time focusing on what’s faulty in someone’s behavior and much more time recognizing and acknowledging the equal yet opposite part of their personality. And when I do that for others, it also invites me to have more acceptance of myself.