Team, I am so happy to be sharing one of the final Summer Submissions of Season 9. This entry was sent in by my former Confessions editor, Forreste, who also happens to be my cousin. She’s one of my favorite people in the world and I feel very lucky that she contributed given that she’s a new mother, and we know how difficult it can be to make time for such things while raising small children.

Forreste is talking about people-pleasing today, and I’m just going to let her take it from here. Forreste…

So, I’m a people pleaser. 

I made this realization while packing up leftovers for a friend one night. I reached past the big old pile of Target bags for a Wal-Mart bag in the back of my pantry. Not wanting her to know my preference, I went for the blue bag. She prefers Wal-Mart, I thought to myself, and, what could be more polarizing than blue bag versus red bag? Yes, I knew this was ridiculous at the time but I did it anyway, I packed those items in the blue bag and handed it off to her. 

I really thought something as simple as a reusable shopping bag could offend someone. 

The problem isn’t that I chose one bag over the other, It’s that I put so much thought into it. I often get lost in what others think, want, and need, that I disconnect from what I think, want, and need. If I were focused on what I wanted, I’d be double bagging those Tupperware so I could purge not one reusable bag, but two. 

My tendency to overthink and people-please makes me anxious and I don’t think it’s making anyone happier. Recently, I listened to The Courage to Be Disliked (Kishimi & Koga, 2013) which helped me understand that my need to be liked is at the root of my anxiety and unhappiness. The authors discuss that many of us desire love and connection, but to achieve this we must become unconcerned by what others think of us. 

I’m done with overthinking and how it clutters up my life and keeps me from focusing on my own experience. I think it’s time this little habit goes the way of the plastic bag. Here’s my attempt at mustering the courage to be disliked: I prefer Target—Rollback pricing won’t ever beat the presence of a Starbucks inside.

I love it.

So Team, I’m just going to put it out there in an attempt to manifest this crap up! It has always been my dream that Forreste would consider contributing to Confessions more regularly. Maybe you could leave a comment on my website if you agree. No pressure Forreste—I’m just doing my job as President of your fan club.

Ok Team, if you’ve been listening to Confessions for a while and you haven’t done so already—please, head over to Apple Podcasts and give the show a 5-star rating and maybe even a review. This really does help me out. And hey, if you’re on your phone already and you’re listening from my website, just click the purple icon by the podcast player, the one that says ‘Listen on Apple Podcasts.’ That will bring you to Apple Podcasts and you can just scroll down to the ‘Ratings & Reviews’ section. Thanks so much Team, I really appreciate it!

And next week, in honor of Mother’s Day on the 11th, we’re going to talk about what to look for in a mother. Don’t worry Team, you still have over a week to grab or make those cards for mom! Thanks so much for listening.