While I’d love to go through the entire explanation, it would simply take too long. The short story is, after celebrating 20 years of marriage this fall, with my nonexistent medical degree, I’ve officially determined that my husband has ADHD and I have dyslexia (which yes, is very difficult for me to spell).

The other day, I was listening to a doctor explain that some people with attention deficit disorder function with the most clarity when they’re under pressure. The concentration those individuals lack when things are peaceful comes into laser focus when the heat is on. Later, the same doctor broached the topic of dyslexia. She described that it’s often helpful for people with dyslexia to do things slowly because they can easily become overwhelmed, and even depressed (!) if their lives require them to process a lot of things linguistically. (And, in my case, it doesn’t stop at linguistics.) Holy hell—this explains oh so much.

From my perspective, I think my amazing husband has been unknowingly over-committing himself (and us) because that’s when he functions at his peak. I, on the other hand, begin to unravel when things are too busy.

The other day, G invited me/us to start (yet another) venture—something I would have said “yes” to in the past. While saying no, I used a metaphor. “G, I already have all the books open that I can read at once. I have the kids, my work, a house project, a trip, our family and friends, etc., etc.—I’m not going to open another book right now.” Later we had a good laugh when we realized that he literally has easily 15 partially read books on his nightstand, while I have one book that I’ve been reading for the past 7 months.

The reality though is, this really isn’t a laughing matter to me. Before making all of these changes over the past month, I was suffering from depression and anxiety. What more evidence did I need that things had to drastically change? Did I have to get rushed to the emergency room? Get diagnosed with a chronic illness? 

I’ve been compromising my pace for this long simply because I didn’t understand what was going on. This new knowledge gives me a much deeper understanding of why and what my spouse needs to be his best, but it’s also completely opened my eyes to what I need to be my best. I tried to keep up with G-Man Master De for the first 20 years of our marriage, but for the next 20–I’m gonna honor my own speed.