“You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” has always been one of my least favorite quotes. I’m not sure if it’s because of the lack of control I have over how others feel, including my kids, or the fact that I think the phrase is unsettlingly defeatist.

What if the opposite were true? What if the quote read, “Kids are only as happy as their least happy parent”? Or, I could even improve it, “Kids are only as happy as their most happy parent.” When the quote is flipped the control shifts. Changing the language means taking responsibility for the choices I make, which ultimately leads to modeling a joyful life for my kids.

Joining my children on their emotional roller coaster rides sounds like a horrible idea. Instead, I can take responsibility for how I manage myself. If something’s not working in my life, the whole family benefits when I face it, and change it. And the kids know—I’ll be right here on the platform whenever they need me, but I know better than to join them on the ride.