Hello TeamConfessioners. This week we actually have another Summer Submission coming at you. This one is from my friend NiCole Schlagheck, whom I met when she managed our youngest child’s soccer team. My husband happened to be the head coach of this team, and I quickly started referring to NiCole as G-Man’s “soccer wife.” She not only kept the team running tip-top, but she also completely saved my husband’s ass on countless occasions. However, it didn’t take long for me to start referring to NiCole as ‘OUR soccer wife,’ because G-Man’s ass was not the only ass she was saving. NiCole has assisted so many of my goals, Team. And by goals, I mean showing up where I was supposed to be, when I was supposed to be there. Would not have made it to the finish line without NiCole reminding me of events for soccer, church, the middle school, the high school…. I so deeply appreciated her ability to keep both her family of six and our family of six in line, without even breaking a sweat!

After I share NiCole’s submission, I’m excited to tell you about one of the many ways she spends her free time helping others, but we’ll get to that after this:

NiCole writes…

Like Mags, I too am a mother of four young adults.  Two in high school and two in college, so my ducklings are no longer as needy and they certainly are no longer following me around!

As they’re transforming into young adults, I am pushing myself to transform too. As much as I loved the younger years, it’s my chapter to find more of an independent identity and expand beyond, “mom to our crew”.  Although I’ve worked outside of the home throughout their childhood, I was privileged to have the opportunity to be part-time so I could be there as much as possible to volunteer, participate in their activities, be the room parent, the soccer manager and soak up all that I wanted to be as their mom – involved. I found it rewarding and fulfilling to help them learn, grow and explore the world, and I loved being an active part of it all..

Because their activities were such a large part of my existence, I now find myself asking, “Who are you? What’s next, and what are you meant to be?” Part of being a mom is being the family chameleon, ready to adjust, flex, and become what everyone else needs me to be. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs first is difficult and often feels selfish. When you’ve been adapting and accommodating for all of the needs of your family for 20 years, it can be difficult to think about what I want and how to create a focus for myself.

In life, uncertainty and change are the only things that are certain. The brain craves certainty, so when questions like ‘Who am I? What’s next? And what am I meant to be?’ creep in, it feels uncomfortable. To help better face this uncertainty and discomfort, I’m choosing and proposing three re-framing techniques:

1. Re-position
2. Re-ceive &
3. Re-define

1. Re-position because now there’s new time and new space in my life to explore hobbies and make ‘time for me’ an option. 
2. Re-ceive because now I can embrace new opportunities that are offered to me. I can travel more for work, take on a new type of role, or volunteer in an organization I’m passionate about. I can receive what the world is presenting by remaining open to the possibilities that the Universe presents to me.
3. Re-define because although I was known as ‘so-and-so’s mom” for decades, going forward my focus will need to shift to roles I choose and select. The biggest component is accepting those new roles with dignity and finding ways to make them fulfilling to me.  

I have one of those brains that loves structure, planning, and preparing, and as much as I try to stay relevant and open-minded, change is intimidating. Certainty = Good, Uncertainty = Fear. But framing the situation to be something positive that offers goodness can make that uncertainty exciting and intriguing. My approach to making life with four children manageable was to schedule, prepare and make sure I was always ready with whatever was needed. Now that I can pivot more independently, the challenge for me is to embrace that change, uncertainty, and spontaneity with an open mind and spirit.  It’s time to Re-position, Re-ceive and Re-define having faith that the next chapter can be even better than the last. 

Thank you NiCole—And as I mentioned before, Local Listeners! Mark your calendars for Thursday, November 14th of 2024. The Community Soup Kitchen in New Haven, Connecticut, one of the many places NiCole volunteers her time, is holding their annual fundraising event the, CSK Soup-a-Thon. Aside from delicious soups from local restaurants, there’s going to be other delicious food and entertainment. It’s going to be wonderful and you should absolutely go.

I’m going to put a link in the show notes so you can learn more about it. But please know that even if you can’t make the event on Thursday, November 14th, in New Haven, you can donate to the Community Soup Kitchen on their website. They’re really doing wonderful things there, so you should absolutely check it out.

Alright Team. I’ll be back next week reflecting on another “re” word. So be sure to tune in for that. Until then, thanks so much for listening!