A focused view of a seated man with his feet up reading the newspaper. In front of the man, unfocused view, are two children leaning forward grappling each other.

Reacting – Getting Schooled by My Husband in Parenting 101

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One thing that used to start my blood boiling was when our children would be crying hysterically or fighting right in front of my husband, and he would continue doing what he was doing. “How can you just stand there while this is going on?!” It took me so many years to even entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, the man was on to something.

I was sent from the factory with a very sensitive reaction meter. Because I don’t make the best decisions when I have to make them quickly, I have spent years trying to reprogram myself to respond to life rather than react to it.

“Urgent things are rarely important and important things are rarely urgent.” 

The quote above has really helped me on my journey. It gave me permission to look at how often my reactions were completely disconnected from my overall goal. If I want to live a peaceful life, I can’t jump out of my seat every time someone yells, “MOM!” If I want to make mindful choices, I can’t always reply with the first response that pops into my head.

It started with not reacting to the kids crying, complaining, and beating on one another. Because that felt so good, I began utilizing it in all areas of my life. I can use the same restraint when a snarky email crosses my desk, someone makes a hurtful comment, or we get an invitation to do something when we really need downtime. Now I’m able to reply with phrases like, “Can I get right back to you?” or “I don’t feel like I can respond to this in the healthiest manner right now, let’s revisit this when I’ve had time to get some perspective.” And if I pause, many times a response isn’t even needed.

As with many things that drove me realmente loco with G-Man MasterDe in the first years of our marriage, it has served me very well to join his thought process rather than resist it. Yes, it can be unsettling for guests to see our indolence when they hear what sounds like a small child being maimed in the distance. But, unless the child comes to me directly, or I see blood, I’m going to keep washing the dishes peeps. For me, putting space between the action and my response to it gives me another opportunity to become more of the person I want to be.

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  1. Love this – thank you

    • Thank you Julie — this has saved me time and time again through the years and years of conflicts with the kids.
      I think I honestly added years to my life given how I was reacting before taking a page out of G’s book (-;

  2. […] a link to my inspiration for riding “The Cycle”… BLOG: Reacting – Getting Schooled by My Husband in Parenting 101 PODCAST: Reacting – Getting Schooled by My Husband in Parenting […]

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