For years I did not like mistakes. Mistakes were a sign of carelessness and thoughtlessness. I didn’t like it when I made a mistake, and I certainly didn’t like it when you made a mistake. I hold myself to this standard of excellence, so you better believe I’m holding you to that standard of excellence as well!

Years later, I’m able to recognize how differently I approach mistakes. People taught me how to be gentler with myself, and that has allowed me to be gentler with others when mistakes are made.
One trick that really helps me in my family relationships is recognizing a lot more things as mistakes rather than shortcomings.

Allow me to explain…
Let’s use the example of so-and-so’s belongings lying in wait on the front stairs of our home for weeks at a time. You figure, they had to have passed their crap, what? At least 28 times at this point… and that’s being generous. I can think to myself: What the hell? Am I raising squatters? Do they feel no responsibility around here, at all? Do I have to do everything? Or, I can think: It’s just a mistake. So-and-so’s been going through a lot lately, and they’re probably overwhelmed. I’m sure not picking their stuff up feels like the one thing they can take off their list.

Ok, if that example is a stretch, maybe this one will resonate more.
Your kids leave some stuff in the living room. Now, they had a lot more stuff in there, but they left a sweating glass on your coffee table with no coaster, and their sweatshirt behind. Back in the day, in my mind, if you didn’t clean up everything, you cleaned up nothing. Now I think: Well, they did get 75% of their crap cleaned up. This 25% left behind is a mistake.

This example can also be used with the kitchen sink in our house. The plate, bowl, and glass all went in the dishwasher, but the knife, fork, and spoon are left behind. It’s so much easier for me to keep my cool with that 25% when I think of it as just a piece of the whole picture rather than the whole picture.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Team—when these percentages start racking up, MamaDe blows her friggin’ lid and reminds the little degenerates what 100% looks like. But kids of all ages are constantly not doing things. Living every day in that state of frustration and resentment is miserable (speaking from experience), and my emotional state is much better when I draw my attention to what the temperamental teens are doing, rather than what they’re not doing.

And TeamConfessioners, doesn’t it feel so wonderful when someone in our lives gives us a friggin’ break? Yeah—that’s what makes me want to be that person for someone else… well, to a point, at least.

Next week, I’d like to remind myself of all the ways I personally manufacture stress in my life and how I can avoid doing that. Please tune in to hear all about that, but until then, thanks so much for listening, Team!