Okay, this is always a little annoying, but Team, I think there’s yet another thing that my husband has been getting right that I’ve been getting wrong.

While listening to a few episodes of one of my favorite podcasts Hidden Brain, the topic of cynicism came up. What I learned from listening is, apparently I’m not the only parent using cynicism as a means to thinking I’m keeping my children safe. Anyone else out there doing this?

Saying things like…
“People can’t be trusted.”
“If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”
“Whatever you do, don’t let your guard down.”

While I have examples from my own life that prove these clichés can be true, my constant warnings of all of the dangers of this scary and cruel world actually do almost nothing to protect my children. However, my negative narrative does have the power to create another issue for them. 

There is an alarming amount of research to support that people who have a positive and trusting view of the world, are not only healthier, happier and more engaged in their lives in a positive way, almost half of them even make more money than their distrusting counterparts! Not to mention, a cynical worldview can also lead to more: mental health issues, feelings of loneliness, self centeredness, and self-fulfilling prophecies that they’re living in a world that is out to get them.

So far, this sounds like a horrible parenting approach. And here I thought I was being responsible, making them believe that almost every stranger in the world is out to get them. G-Man, on the other hand, just rolls his eyes when I’m alerting the children to all of the mostly made-up dangers. His approach is much more trusting and laid back, and thank God!

So many of the solo adventures he’s encouraged the kids to embark on at a young age can be credited with huge boosts in their personal confidence. Like allowing our sixteen year old to travel from little Guilford Connecticut to big Brooklyn New York on many, many trains he had never ever traveled on before—much less traveled on alone. These are experiences, friends, that I would never have trusted the world to get my child through safely. 

And you guys know, I’m far from being super negative about life or the world. But I am constantly worried about what will happen to them when they walk out the door. And, I often manage that concern by trying to instill the same level of fear I’m experiencing into my child. The podcast actually touched on this. It reminded me that negative world views are often a default when really we just don’t know what we’re up against.

This reminded me of when I moved to the East Village in Manhattan. Everything felt unsafe when I first got there. But that’s when I discovered that it wasn’t that my new neighborhood was unsafe, it was that it was unfamiliar to me. The unknown breeds fear. And, with two college students and two high school students, I feel like I’m constantly handing the kids over to experiences and people that I don’t know. But, as my podcast reminded me—my warnings are not keeping them safe. And the more I can encourage my kids to trust the world around them, the healthier they’ll be. 

Team, you know I’m not going to stop warning the knuckleheads entirely—these mommy alerts are deeply woven into the fabric of our relationship at this point. But through my husband, I’ve witnessed time and time again the joy and happiness that having faith in the world can bring. But we all know, I don’t listen to my spouse until someone else says the thing he’s been saying all along. It’s only then that I figure, must be at least worth entertaining!

Learning about how deeply a world view can affect our ability to find peace and fulfillment in our lives is a very solid motivator for me to take yet another page out of G Man’s book. Borrowing his overall faith in mankind serves not only our children but myself as well. 

I will absolutely put links to those podcasts in the show notes for all of you. The episodes I referred to in this post were: How Your Beliefs Shape Reality and You 2.0: Fighting Despair. Next week we’re going to hear from my friend and fellow Confessioner, Dan Shay. He submitted a fabulous post on a little lesson he learned on the golf course. Please, please tune in for that. But until then, thanks so much for listening, TeamConfessioners!