Black and white image of a close-up on hands facing palms up.

Should I Even Bother Giving if I Can’t Give With Love? My Foolproof Giving Meter

Listen to the podcast

While recovering from knee surgery, I’ve realized how horrible it feels when someone acts stressed, annoyed, or put out while helping me. On the other hand, when people offer a gracious and loving hand, it feels amazing. I have such a deep appreciation for the people who’ve come to my aid with a smile on their faces—it’s made all the difference.

In my previous life, I often spent hours helping people I never really wanted to help in the first place. When the time came to look at my attitude around giving, these were the questions I asked myself: 

-Is this about the specific person I’m helping?

-Do I feel like I can never please this person?

-Is this about what I’m being asked to do?

-Do I feel like I’m being taken advantage of?

-Is this about something that’s happened in the past?

-What’s really going on with this anger inside of me right now?

Being on the receiving end of help makes me realize how important these questions are for me to ask when I’m the giver. When I make a decision to help someone (and it is a conscious decision—I didn’t always know that), I want to be able to give with love in my heart. That’s why I take time to consider any future resentment I may feel, and use that as my giving meter. If I’m going to be a Bitter Betty, it’s my job to set a boundary.

On the other hand, I’m so happy to have been taught that the seed of giving begins inside of me. And because it begins in me, it grows in me. That knowledge makes it so much less about the other person and how I feel about them. It’s about how I feel about me. Another way to take back control—yahoooo!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  1. Thanks, Mags. Great reminder to tell Bitter Betty to take a long nap and consider what’s at the root of my actions. Love this – can’t wait to listen to your podcast.

    • I don’t know about you Julie, but for me, I think this is routed in being so deeply conditioned to please.
      I forget that I need to check in with myself before taking action.
      Poor Bitter Betty–that woman needs a lot of love and compassion.
      I can’t wait for my podcast either!!! Whoopeee!

Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

Join TeamConfessions, a.k.a. "TeamC"—the posts are super short—you’ve got this. 

Looking for something specific?


From the Archives

Share Everywhere:

Ready to join me?

I would love for you to join me as I work to undo these old patterns and evolve to create a more serene and accepting existence. (And you should know that I still want to ear flick the little knuckleheads {this includes my husband} when they don’t rinse a dish before putting it in the dishwasher — always a work in progress.)
mdm light green icon logo
Confessions of a recovering
micromanaging - perfectionist - martyr

Join TeamConfessions