On December 24th, 2021 in the post, All I Want for Christmas V – To Stand Up to the Bully of the Inner-Voice, I shared that the reason I thought I was going to the gym was to face, “the voice of the interject.” But there’s another inner voice I’ve been thinking about lately. Not the voice that tells me I’m not pushing hard enough—but the voice that tells me I deserve to break my own rules. The voice that says, “I know you always feel horrible after doing this, but this time, THIS time it’s going to be different.”

Over the years, I’ve called this voice all kinds of things: The Lower Power, Weakness, Lack of Willpower. But, for the first time ever, I thought: What if this voice isn’t evil, or a shortcoming, but rather the echo of a deep-rooted need trying to get my attention? Throughout a day, my body is always telling me it’s tired, overwhelmed, and hungry, but I ignore it and keep pressing on. Like one of my kids, maybe this voice has to ‘act up’ to get my attention. 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve tried to pause when this voice starts to rumble. What do you really need right now? Are you certain it’s carbohydrates? Are you positive it’s staying up past your bedtime? Or, are you just tired and need to be acknowledged for all of the hard work you invested into the family today? Maybe you’re dehydrated and you just need a glass of water. Could you be lonely and need to chat with someone who fills you up? Or, perhaps you feel underappreciated and just need to feel seen?

The kids are often doing negative things to get my attention. But if I roll back the camera, more often than not, they were trying in positive ways to get my attention, but it wasn’t working for them. It’s time for me to entertain the possibility that this voice is simply acting out of desperation. Here I was, either fighting the voice or giving in to the voice. Who knew that all I had to do was to stop and truly listen? And now, when that voice starts talkin’ smack, I can pause and say, “Mags, what is it that you really need right now?” It turns out—I usually just need to rest.