Welcome to Confessions. I’m Mags—the recovering micromanaging-perfectionist-martyr here to offer a short synopsis of What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter. If you’re curious about the topic of positive self-talk, this will give you the core concepts in the book and a few key examples from the author.

Here’s the rundown:

What Is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is the internal dialogue running through our minds all day, every day. It’s the narrator of our lives. Some of it’s conscious, but most isn’t. According to Helmstetter, up to 77% of our self-talk is negative. That means we’re often programming ourselves with thoughts like:

“I’m so bad at this.”
“I’ll never change.”
“That’s just who I am.”

Think of our brains like a computer. What we say equals the programming. If the input is harsh, the output will be too. If we keep feeding our mind negative input, it will run negative programs—on autopilot. The good news is that we can reprogram ourselves with intentional, positive self-talk.

Why Positive Self-Talk Matters According to Science
Helmstetter leans into the neuroscience of repetition. Our brains literally rewire themselves based on what they hear and believe. Over time, self-talk shapes: how we feel, what we do, and what we believe we’re capable of. It’s not magic—it’s mental conditioning. We become what we tell ourselves, day after day. 

How to Edit Our Self-Talk In Real Time
When we catch ourselves mid-spiral, Helmstetter says: interrupt the pattern. Pause the old thought and redirect.
Example:
“I’m such a mess.”
Catch it. Interrupt it. Replace it with:
“I’m figuring things out. I’m learning how to take care of myself.”

It might feel awkward or fake at first. That’s okay. An important part of this work is remembering that we don’t have to believe the replacement statement—that comes with time. We’re not here to debate the new thought or pick it apart—we’re just laying down a new mental path. With time and repetition, that path becomes a road. Then a highway, and before you know it, it’s the chosen path of our subconscious. The more we hear the new statement, the more our subconscious will believe it to be true. Repetition is the key to success here, Team.

Self-Talk vs. Affirmations: What’s the Difference?
While often confused, positive self-talk isn’t the same as an affirmation. Affirmations are usually short, feel-good phrases like: “I am enough.” “I attract success.” Like Stewart Smalley taught us in the 90’s, they’re a great pick-me-up, but self-talk goes much deeper. It’s the full internal script running through our minds all day. The goal isn’t just to hype ourselves up—it’s to reprogram how we think, respond, and behave by replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk.

Helmstetter says self-talk works best when it’s conversational, believable, and action-based. So here’s the key difference:
An affirmation might be: “I’m rich!”
Positive self-talk would sound like this: “I’m learning how to manage my money and build security.”
We’re not tricking our brains here, Team—we’re training them.

How to Practice (So It Actually Works)
Positive self-talk isn’t a one-time rallying cry. It’s more like brushing our teeth—daily mental hygiene.

Here’s how Helmstetter recommends we practice:
Speak in the present tense (“I am becoming healthier,” not “I will try to become healthier”)
Make it positive (“I’m learning to stay calm and focused,” not “Stop freaking out.”)
Use repetition—daily, ideally out loud or in writing
Start simple and stay consistent—you can use pre-written scripts if needed

And as I’ve shared with TeamConfessioners, I personally use Helmstetter’s Self-Talk+ app—it makes this work an easy, regular part of my day. 

Here’s A Personal Example from Shad, Himself
For years, Helmstetter struggled with his weight. He told himself over and over: “I can’t lose weight.” And, understandably—he stayed stuck.

But while studying how self-talk was undeniably impacting Olympic athletes, he asked himself: What if I used this on myself? So he rewrote his internal script. He spent months carefully crafting new self-talk and had it recorded into an audio track with phrases like:

“I am losing weight. I take care of my body. I make good choices about food.”

He played it every morning while shaving. No dieting. No strict program. Just consistent mental reprogramming. In 10 weeks, he lost 38 pounds. And eventually, he lost nearly 60 pounds.

But here’s the part that really shows how powerful self-talk is:

His wife, who wasn’t trying to lose weight, was doing her makeup in the same room while Shad’s recording played. With just passive exposure—she lost 26 pounds. Not because she was focused on it. Not because she was trying. Just because her brain was hearing a new, healthy script—on repeat.

Self-talk shapes our beliefs. It influences our choices. Even when we’re not fully aware of it—it’s working. If that kind of change can happen by accident, imagine what can happen on purpose.

The Bottom Line
We don’t rise to the level of our goals—we fall to the level of our programming. Positive self-talk isn’t fluff—it’s functional. It’s how we train our minds to support us, instead of sabotaging us.

Helmstetter reminds us that most self-improvement fades because motivation wears off and willpower runs out. Self-talk is different. It’s not about trying harder—it’s about showing up gently and consistently, even for a few minutes a day.

And he’s clear about this:
Just like learning a language as babies, we don’t need full focus. Let it play in the background—your brain will absorb it.

Every time we speak to ourselves, we’re either reinforcing old patterns or creating new ones. Let’s choose the ones that help us grow, heal, and thrive.

If this summary was helpful to you, and you’d like to surround yourself with more gentle content—I’d love to invite you to subscribe to Confessions of a Recovering Micromanaging Perfectionist Martyr. You can find the link in the show notes. So glad you were here and thanks so much for listening. Take care~

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