Good or bad, the way I respond to people and situations in my life makes me feel safe. But what motivates me to decide to replace those negative responses that make me feel empty, with positive ones that fill me up? There’s this little rumble inside me. It says: You do not have to do this. You deserve more, better, safer, calmer. You are worthy of respect. It’s a declaration of self-worth. I am worthy. But saying, ‘I’m worthy’ and feeling worthy are two very different things.

One way I’ve been taught to shift unhealthy patterns is through self-confidence. The better I feel about myself, the more likely I am to believe that I deserve more. The worse I feel about myself, the more likely I am to become irritable and overly invested in other people’s opinion of me.

The fastest road to self-confidence for me is taking care of my body. Food and exercise. It’s one of the few things I can have control over. And, after years of doing this, I know I just have to show up. I just have to push play, head to the gym, the trail—whatever I choose. I have to show up. The rest will take care of itself. I have to do it when I’m tired, when my muscles ache, when I’m busy, and most especially when my lower-self is coming up with every excuse to not do it—I have to do it.

The magic for me has been in lowering my standards. I don’t have to be the strongest, the fastest or the best. I just have to show up. Some days I’m going to go farther, some days I’m going to do the short loop—that doesn’t matter. It’s the showing up for myself that I’ve struggled with, it’s never been about performance.

There’s no doubt that meal prepping and working out takes planning, time, and effort, but so does obsessing over things that are out of my control. Personally, I’d rather steam broccoli and do sit-ups.