Cloak or Cape? Martyring Myself for Others

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At this point in my life, I know what I need to succeed, what I need to be joyful. and what I need for peace. Then why the h-edgy-h am I still reluctant to insist on it?
This martyr cloak is so deeply woven into my fibers, but it’s like I convince myself it’s a cape. “I’ll save you from having to do something that you should be doing yourself!” And that’s exactly what’s at the core of it—I think if I ask for what I need, then someone else will go without or have too much on their plate. But how it ends up playing out is that I’m a team player in the moment but then I’m coming for ’em with a dose of good old-fashioned resentment
It’s taken me several decades to know and understand what I need. Is it going to take another decade to accept and honor those needs? Hells no! Suddenly, she rises up and declares to the children, “Get your squirmy little asses out of my bed, you know Mama can’t be nice to you after 9 pm!”
Yeah, I got this.

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    Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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