Today, I’m circling back to a topic near and dear to my heart: the whirlwind of overwhelm. Specifically, the overwhelm that stems from navigating life’s incessant household chaos. For years, I’ve been under the illusion that I must be missing something. Society has whispered relentlessly in my ear, “If only you were more mindful, simplified your life, got more organized, planned better, invested more into that one magic solution, then, THEN you would have peace in your home.” Yet, no matter my efforts, chaos has clung to me like glitter on my cheeks at a craft party—there’s not a lot there, but no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of it completely.

The Endless Battle Against Chaos

Let me be clear, Team: I have thrown everything but my youngest child at the problem of taming the chaos. Prayer, meditation, support groups, retreats, seminars, online courses, hypnosis, more sleep, less sleep, organizing my kids’ clothes by day, delegating laundry duties, delegating household chores, embracing “no,” welcoming “yes,” counseling, and even throwing money at the problem. I have been all-in striving for that “serenity” they speak of,Team, but alas, the predicament persists. Until I started thinking…

Do we approach our accountant friends during the chaos of tax season? Do we suggest they’re not meditating enough, or ask if they’ve tried decluttering their offices, eating healthier, or getting more sleep? And what about our friends who are in the process of moving? Do we tell them, “Moving is usually so peaceful. Perhaps your lists aren’t efficient enough. Have you thought about a more comprehensive cataloging system?” For our friends going through a breakup or divorce, do we advise them, “Have you tried counseling? Maybe everything would fix itself if you just sought help.” Of course, we don’t. Why? Because we recognize that some phases of life are inherently chaotic, far beyond the reach of any well-intentioned strategy.

Societal Expectations vs. Reality

Here’s why I’m fired up today, Team: The daily disorder and confusion in my home has nothing to do with what someone is or isn’t doing, it has to do with having a family with offspring in the first place! But society has a knack for deluding mothers into thinking that if they take the time to get the recipe juuust right, they could quell their unquellable mayhem. Society’s message to moms is a load of complete commonwealth crap, and it just slaps another colossal layer of burden onto a woman already battling a Herculean list of obligations. Having gone from diapers to driver’s licenses with my kids, I now know that no amount of anything is going to completely eliminate chaos from a home with children. These childrearing years are inherently unpredictable. The fact that parents’ lives are muddled with messiness and mishaps does not mean they are doing anything wrong. 

A Heartfelt Apology and a New Perspective

With that thought in mind, I need to extend a huge, heartfelt apology. If I have ever made you feel like you need to add “eradicate all household chaos” to your already impossible to-do list, I owe you a Diet Coke. Or better yet, I should come pick up all your kids and your spouse so you can enjoy every mom’s favorite treat: Having the entire house to herself! Now, that’s what I call a peace treaty!

So let’s make sure we’re not blaming ourselves, or anyone else, for not being able to stop a storm. Like we spare our accountants any blame during tax season, let’s extend the same grace to moms and dads. Especially now because spring is here, friends, and Mama’s about to drop a lot of (lacrosse) balls around here! Let’s embrace those tiny ungrateful twerps and all the discomfort they breed!

Join the Conversation: Your Thoughts on Household Chaos

Next week we’re going to chat about one reminder that can help eliminate a little chaos in the spring, but until then, I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you ever felt like society puts pressure on moms to do all the things, and also avoid all the pandemonium? Share your stories in the comments below. I love hearing from you!