Here is a phrase that I never thought would pass my lips: “I absolutely care what other people think about me” The other day, after a lovely gathering with some close friends. I got thinking about this: I actually do care, and care deeply, about what these specific women think about me and the choices I make. When I’m with them, I feel accepted, loved, and supported. What’s different about my perspective from, say, a decade ago, is that now I care more about what the right people think about me, and I care less and less about what the wrong people think about me.

Building and Maintaining Supportive Relationships

You may be thinking,  “But Mags, how can you tell the difference between the people who are right and the people who are wrong?” Honestly, sometimes making the distinction is not so easy. But, I have discovered a useful meter to determine the right person from the wrong person, and it comes down to one question, TeamC: 

Does this person truly want what’s best for me?

There have been many times in my life when I have walked away from an encounter and perseverated over comments that were made to me. But, in those instances, I can ask myself: Does this person truly care about me? Do they want what’s best for me? Or, should I consider other observations about that person to better understand that their comment likely had nothing to do with me?

Signs of Toxic Influence

Here are some examples of the “wrong” people I’ve given power to in the past:

People who…

• care more about their own agenda than what’s best for everyone.
• are virtually impossible to please no matter what others do or say.
• are possessive or resentful.
• respond negatively to almost everything and everyone.
• exhibit envy towards other people’s achievements, possessions, or relationships.

Moving On From Harmful Connections and Prioritizing Healthy Choices

There is never going to be a day when I’ve rid myself of every “wrong” person in my life, nor do I want to. But, as I mature and gain more confidence in who I am and the kind of friend I want to be, I can stop wasting energy on obsessing over “innocent,” ill-intentioned comments. I also don’t need to waste time debating whether people’s opinions were ill-intended. If their words felt hurtful, it was hurtful. Now, when I experience a harmful exchange, I process what was said, I come to a better understanding of where that person might have been coming from (always touching back on compassion), and then I MOVE ON. 

So, while it surprises me, given my strong personality, to admit that others’ opinions matter to me; I find solace in knowing precisely who matters most at this stage of my life: the friends who genuinely empathize with my struggles and wholeheartedly rejoice in my successes. My friends, you know who you are, I thank you for your love, honesty and support.

Next week, we’re actually going to talk about ANOTHER magic question I love to ask myself. But this one isn’t about other people, it’s about getting out of my own way so I can make some friggin’ progress towards my dreams! Please be sure to tune in to hear all about that! But until then, enjoy those right people in your life! Thanks for listening. 

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