As my TeamConfessioners know, I’ve been working on making sure I’m not being pushed around or gaslighted in my everyday life (Rejection – What I Can Learn from Assertive People). I’ve grown tired of letting things slide, only to be haunted by them later. The issue is, when you ignore these feelings for so many years, the spidey senses get a bit dulled. So, here’s the word that’s been helping me dust off those senses—Uncomfortable. 

My dis-comfort is the first indicator that warns me something’s ‘off.’ Maybe it’s how someone’s talking to me, or it’s something they’re alluding to, or accusing me of—it doesn’t matter. I just say to myself, This is making me uncomfortable right now. Is there something I can do about it?

I don’t struggle with advocating for myself when it comes to the little things, I struggle when I think I might hurt someone’s feelings. I can also feel myself clam up when I feel like saying something that may cause tension or an argument. But after decades of trying to avoid conflict, the result is that I constantly send messages to myself that the other person’s comfort is more important than my own. Or, I allow someone to make me believe that I’m the one with the problem.

As I’ve been taking baby steps over the past few weeks, I have to report—it feels so incredible to stand up for yourself. And, it doesn’t have to be some serious heart to heart. I also don’t have to get it right every time. The point is that I’m listening to my heart, and I’m prioritizing my comfort. That’s progress for me, and I’ll take it.

Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as making someone question their own reality. The term may also be used to describe a person who presents a false narrative to another group or person which leads them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed.  Wikipedia