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Helping – The Sunny Side of Control

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Many wise women have taught me that if I start to repeat myself to the people I love, I’m trying to control them. Sister, say what? “Say it once,” they tell me. But…what if they didn’t quite hear me? Fine, fine, fine, I’m willing to give it a try, God knows I don’t like it when people try to control me.

Over the past several years I’ve trained myself to take my time. Now, if I’m concerned about someone else, and I only have one shot, I want to craft my approach mindfully. I come up with just the right way to approach the topic, I share my thoughts, and then I politely shut my trap.

Ok, fine. Sometimes I go in for one more round, but I’m nowhere near as bad as I once was. I used to say things over, and over, and over. My hope is that my feedback means more now because I’m not giving it as often. But only TeamDe can decide. G-Man Master De? Kids? Any feedback?

I feel fortunate to have been taught, Saying something once is helpful. Saying something more than once is controlling. I used to continually repeat myself under the umbrella of being “helpful” or “loving.” But if I am honest with myself, it’s only because I want people to do things my way. I find this interesting because I know full well that all the meaningful growth and change in my own life has come from within me, and it has taken its sweet-ass time.

I want our little twerps to know that when they come to me for guidance, they’re not going to be told what to do; they are going to be supported in their own process. One way I can do this is by giving my children the dignity to build faith in their decisions and to trust their process. Faith and trust in themselves can’t be built if I’m always telling them what to do. I’m not saying it’s easy to quiet my opinionated mind, I’m saying it’s 100% worth it.

Our older kids seem to regularly come to us to process life decisions. I know for a fact that if someone didn’t tell me to shut my friggin’ mouth, they would no longer seek my counsel. My husband summed it up nicely when someone asked him how the kids were doing. He replied, “They’re making all the right mistakes.” My job is to let the natural consequences of life speak to my children, and to keep my two cents to myself. Hmmmm, I should design a Mommy-Muzzle. I’d make millions!


If you liked this post, you might also like this: Fewer Opinions Equals More Happy
And you can also listen to it by checking out the Confessions Podcast — Just click here!

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  1. Oh Mags, I love this sentiment. To express concern or a potential path, and then let someone choose differently for them selves…

    • Thank you Tatjana.
      It never would have occured to me unless someone brought it to my attention…I really thought I was just incredibly helpful 🙂
      I really appreciate you commenting!

Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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