While reading Shawn Achor’s book, Big Potential, he introduced me to a Rumi quote I had never heard:

“Your depression is connected to your insolence and refusal to praise.”

I feel blessed to have grown up in a home where I often heard my parents praise others. To this day, both Grammy and Grampy shower our family—and everyone around them—with love, appreciation, and compliments. As I reflected on my parents’ habit of recognizing and expressing how much someone or something means to them, I realized that it’s actually a true act of both humility and gratitude. As Rumi suggests, it makes sense that, ‘your insolence and refusal to praise,’ could be connected to depression.

Growing up, when we were out and about, it was common for my mom to ask to speak to the manager. But in Mom’s case, she was taking this extra time not to complain, but to compliment the service we received. Inspired by Mom’s example, I created a life rule for myself many years ago.

Don’t speak kindly about people behind their backs.

Now, thanks to Mom, when I find myself sharing someone’s triumphs with other people, I try to make sure to circle back to the person I’m praising to let them know how they’ve positively affected my life. Maybe some of you listening today have received a letter or voicemail from me at some point in your life?

As a recovering micromanaging perfectionist martyr, I have to be mindful though not to slip into the language of criticism and judgment in my own home. You guys know my history—I entered this journey of rehabilitation precisely because of how I was speaking to my own family members. Team, I never once linked my ‘insolence and refusal to praise’ to my own feelings of despair. But it makes so much sense now. If I’m unable to recognise or acknowledge the good that surrounds me, I’m likely in a dark place myself. In the future, I can use my resistance to see the light in others as a dashboard light to warn me that it’s time for MamaDe to emotionally hydrate in some way. Or better yet, just start praising people and see if that snaps me out of my funk.

Today felt like a good time to reflect on how grateful I feel to be spreading the vernacular of my youth, because it’s my Mom’s birthday. Thank you Mom for teaching me the language of recognition, of excitement for other people’s triumphs, and the language of focusing on what’s right in the world rather than what’s not.

Happy Birthday!

How about you guys? Rumi makes a great case for the act of celebrating others as a means to feeling less depressed ourselves. What language is being spoken in your home? The language of appreciation and praise, or the language of jealousy and resentment? Or maybe like me, at times you struggle with this when it comes to the people closest to you. Maybe your language accidentally shifts to sounding more like criticism and judgment? Please be sure to share your thoughts in the comment section below this post on my website, I would love to hear from you.

Next week, we’re going to be talking about what I have to be super careful of not doing if I want my kids to grow. I hope you’re able to join us for that, in the meantime have a lovely week and safe travels for Thanksgiving, TeamConfessioners. Thanks for listening and take care~