“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you don’t bring forth what is within you, what you don’t bring forth will destroy you.”
Gospel of Thomas

A nutritionist friend of mine once told me a story about her client who was a grammar school teacher. The teacher maintained a very routine diet, but she managed to gain seven pounds over the course of a year. The two couldn’t figure out what had caused the weight gain. Finally, they pinpointed it. The teacher’s classroom had moved. She no longer had to walk her students to their specials all the way down the hall several times a day. That one change resulted in seven pounds.

While seven pounds doesn’t sound like such a huge deal, this story always reminds me that every change adds up over time. Just because I’m walking 4-5 times a week doesn’t mean I’m moving even close to as much as I moved BC (before corona). With kids home all day, my eating patterns have changed as well. As a result, my body feels different. And it’s not good different, it’s crappy different.

When I feel crappy, I can easily get confused and think that other people are making me feel that way, or even that my life is crappy. I start looking under every proverbial rock for what could be wrong. But, what I know all too well is that I’m never going to solve an issue inside of myself by looking outside of myself. 

I can get dressed to my shoes every day, I can Observe and Adapt and I can Back Off like a son-of-a-gun, but if I’m not fighting the true battle within me, I’m never going to find peace. This pandemic has come with so many life changes, but if I want to be saved from my discomfort and restlessness, I’d be best served if I prioritized monitoring my demons first.