One thing that can trip me up is when someone I love meets my joy or success with negativity. You know, when you’re talking to someone about how things are going in your life, and they reply with something like, “Isn’t that nice that you can afford a new car.” I was taught that those negative comments are a way for envious people to take away someone else’s joy.

I’ve been really affected by those kinds of remarks. Aside from making me feel bad about who I am, or guilty for what I have, they also make me feel apart from the group. Comments like, “Well, if you were my sister-in-law, I’d hate you, too.” Hit me like a knife in the chest. And when I hear something like that, I think I (consciously or unconsciously) dim my light so it doesn’t shine too brightly and alienate me from the pack.

What’s helping to heal that old wound is the concept I shared last week: Ubuntu (oo·boon·too). Since I was a little girl, I have been deeply energized by other people’s success. I’ve often described the experience as, “It feels like it’s happening to me,” which is exactly in line with the Ubuntu philosophy: “If you are brighter, I am brighter, we are all brighter.”  If I believe these words, how can I continue to allow envious people to hold power over me? The answer is—I simply can’t anymore.

Embodying Ubuntu is going to be something I’m very conscious of moving forward. As 90’s rap has taught us, “Haters gonna hate.” But I’m done with allowing someone else’s envy to dim the light of the,“we.” To the Haters, I say, You’re more than welcome to join our light, but if you’re not interested, please step away as we shine. This quote from Marianne Williamson has always inspired me to continue to shine regardless of how that makes insecure people feel. 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”