Today is my youngest son’s 16th birthday so I was reflecting on what times were like in 1991 when I turned sixteen—like the magic of listening to KC101’s Top Ten at Ten, or understanding the heartache of your WalkmanSport eating your absolute favorite mixtape. But FM radio and cassettes pale in comparison to how much cell phones have changed—not just childhood itself, but the relationship between parent and child. 

Today, I’d like to focus on one difference—and that’s the ability to communicate with your parents once you’ve been dropped off. Hey, some kids get sweet sixteens with DJs and fog machines, my poor son gets a lecture dressed up as wisdom. Three more years, kiddo—then you’re free of my shenanigans. Hang in there champ!

So Buddy, on this 17th day of October, my 16th birthday suggestion to you is to stay for the last five songs. And, this is what I mean…

When going to dances, football games, concerts, or a friend’s house, oftentimes things start off very flat. People are settling in, getting used to the space, getting familiar with one another—there are countless reasons why social interactions can start off uncomfortably. But very often, by the end, it is so. much. fun. But the only way to make it to the last five songs is to power through the first twenty songs. 

In the 90’s we got dropped off by a parent and there was a plan for pick-up. That plan didn’t change. At 10pm either your mom or someone else’s parent was picking you guys up at the flag pole. My youth allowed me the benefit of no escape. I had to make the best of my time because that was my only choice. I want to give that gift to you. But the only way I can teach you this lesson is by not rescuing you from the initial awkwardness. 

Phones are an amazing communication tool for all of us to connect and support one another. But it’s my job to pause and reflect on what exactly I’m supporting. As your Mom, I want to support your ability to problem solve, persevere, and have faith in the process of things. If I’m available, I’m happy to offer suggestions of how to get through a difficult or uncomfortable situation but, I can’t rescue you from the exact circumstances where you strengthen these incredibly important life skills. 

So, while 24/7 access to the parent-child connection could mean a lot less problem solving for you and your siblings, Daddy and I feel strongly that it’s not our job to solve problems for you, it’s our job to support you solving your own problems.

Yay you’re sixteen today—even more problems to unravel than last year. Yipeeee! Happy Birthday Bubs!

Next week I’m really excited to talk with you guys about a practice that’s been bringing me a lot of serenity lately. So, please tune in for that. And now I’m going to leave you so I can find out how the birthday boy did on his driver’s permit test today. Take care Team, and thanks so much for listening.