Listen, we know that all humans have agendas. I do, others do—that’s part of evolution. I’m trying to get my needs met. I accomplish things, create things, and protect things throughout my entire life. But part of my evolving and maturing has been to continually check in with my own agenda. 

I was taught that, before reacting to a friend, family member, or coworker, I can ask myself: What’s my motivation here? Taking the time to answer that question truthfully allows me the opportunity to make sure my agenda isn’t the only one being considered. 

There are many times in relationships when people want feedback. But, when I give that invited feedback, am I telling someone what’s best for me, or helping them figure out what’s best for them?

I’ve found this question particularly useful with my children and close family members, because their choices often have a direct effect on me. This is when I can respond with my own agenda to keep my life calm and safe, but my motive can muddy their waters. 

We talked a couple of weeks ago about how my desire to protect my family can get in the way in the episode A Reason To Trust The World. If my objective is always to keep my family and friends sheltered, every time I give them feedback, my personal agenda could hold them back from living their lives.

Listen, there was a time when my job was to keep my chickadees close and safe in the nest. And there was a time when I thought I had to tell my friends what was best for them. But maturity has taught me that’s not what I personally need in a friend. I appreciate friends who ask me to listen to my heart…to trust my instincts…friends who encourage me to take care of myself, take risks, and grow. By pausing and asking myself, “What’s my motivation?” I remember that I want to be that friend to other people.

If you’d like to listen to more on this topic of being a good friend and choosing good friends, I’ll put a link in the show notes to a post I wrote in April of last year, Empowerment Over Approval – Choosing the Right People to Trust. And next week we’re going to chat about what to STOP talking to your friends about! Be sure to tune in for that, but until then—thanks for listening, TeamC!