It must have been about ten years ago when I made a decision to completely abandon high heels. Little did I know then what I might have also been abandoning. You see, because I would only wear heels a few times a year, whenever I donned those little foot penitentiaries, my feet would hurt so much that I decided it just wasn’t worth it. I resolved to rid my closet of almost every foot crucifix I had left, which meant my choices were: sneakers, flip-flops, slippers, or my new “fancy” footwear, heel-less mary janes.

Fast forward to last month, when I was watching a show about fashion and Isaac Mizrahi was talking about the power high heels have on how a person walks and feels. He was talking about heels having the ability to forge determination and confidence to the dwindling masses who dare to don them. TeamC, so much was going through my mind after listening to Isaac preach. He is absolutely right. Maybe my feet don’t feel better in heels, but I absolutely feel better when I’m perched up a bit higher.

Jesus Louisus, when I take a closer look, I see that my shifting heel height provides the perfect metaphor for my shifting self image. The lower the heel, the lower the morale. It had never occurred to me that when I rid my closet of those shoes, I was also deleting the feeling of assurance I got from standing in them. Throwing out my heels was an inadvertent desertion of my pre-mother self. And that act resulted in my confidence retreating in tandem with the pitch of my heels. 

This is not good people! What the hell? Team, I don’t want to feel like a flipping slipper. As much as humanly possible, I want to feel like a t-strap peep toe D’Orsay platform stiletto! Now, God knows there’s no friggin’ chance I’m going to stay upright in those bullet trains. But, for pete’s sake, I think it would be very beneficial to my personal disposition if I at least make an attempt to hoist myself up above a tennis shoe. I’m not ready to give up on walking tall and feeling more self assured—MamaDe wants to rise up, TeamC! For me, bringing back a higher heel isn’t about fashion, it’s about reclaiming the confidence and positive self image I lost sight of during the years of parenting.

I once had a teacher who used to say, “External change brings internal change.” A-men. As the kids get older and more independent, and I come out of my fog of parenting 24/7, I am increasingly aware of how much of my identity has been wrapped up in the child-rearing experience. And while I wouldn’t change how I approached raising my kids, I can now see that there’s space for me to recover some parts of myself that were lost in that process. Although I feel fortunate to have been able to protect, and in many ways build confidence in my roles as a professional, partner,  mother, family member and friend, I also acknowledge that there is some healing (wink, wink) to do when it comes to my appearance. I guess my hope is that by raising my heel height, I might also raise my spirit. And as I’ve learned with all change, it may not always be comfortable in the beginning, but it always gets easier with practice. 

For those of you who celebrate Hanukkah, have a light-filled last night of your holiday celebration, and for those who celebrate Christmas, have a Merry Christmas. I will be back at the end of the month to talk about willpower and the exciting stuff we have to look forward to at Confessions in the New Year! Be sure to tune in…and don’t forget about our TeamConfessions day of rest on December 26th—Fend for Yourself Day 2023! If you think of it, stock that home of yours with cereal and granola bars so everyone has something to eat! Noooo cookin’! Bye for now Team!