When I was first recovering from my control, perfection, and martyrdom issues, everything felt like a paradox to me. I felt like some messages were encouraging me to keep my mouth shut, but other messages were encouraging me to speak up for myself. I was hearing that if I got busy, I’d get better, but I was also hearing that I was a human being, not a human doing. People, am I supposed to take charge of my life, or am I supposed to let it go? I’m getting mixed messages.

After doing this for some time now, my understanding is that recovery is when I explore doing the opposite of what comes naturally to me:

• If I tend to be the one who talks, I can try listening.
• I can try to speak up if I tend to be the one who does more listening.
• If I’m the one who always takes the lead, I can try following.
• And I can try leading if I’m always the one who follows.
• If I tend to be the one who needs to be right, I can try backing down.
• And, I can experiment with advocating for myself if I tend to be the one who always backs down.

So much of my meaningful growth has come from a willingness to be uncomfortable. If I want to evolve, I have to encourage myself to develop gradually. That gradual development comes when I choose to do the thing that doesn’t come naturally to me. And the more I go against my nature the more I grow and become comfortable with it.

Evolution is defined as the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form. Now, Team, my goal is not to be more complex, but hear me out. I have gained a tremendous amount of confidence from being capable of managing more complex situations and relationships in my life. And here’s what I can share after facing all that discomfort: all of that keeping quiet, the following when I wanted to lead, and the backing down—doing the opposite of what came naturally to me has invited more humility, more compassion, and more serenity into my life. Team, it might sound sucky, but give it a try and see if it helps you too. And be sure to circle back to us and let us know how it goes.

Next week we’re going to be talking about what I can do when I’m having trouble tolerating other people. Be sure to tune in. Bye for now and thanks for listening!