One of my favorite things to read to the kids when they were little was the Shel Silverstein poem, Complainin’ Jack. Have you guys heard this one? Well, if you have or you haven’t, I’ll share it with you now because it’s pretty short…

This morning my old jack-in-the-box
Popped out—and wouldn’t get back-in the-box.
He cried, “Hey, there’s a tack-in-the-box,
And it’s cutting me through and through.

“There also is a crack-in-the-box,
And I never find a snack-in-the-box,
And sometimes I hear a quack-in-the-box,
‘Cause a duck lives in here too.”

Complain, complain is all he did—
I finally had to close the lid.

My friends and sisters can attest—I looooove a good vent session. When I need to turn over my emotional response to something, there’s honestly nothing more helpful than calling up a trusted confidant and letting ‘er rip!

But the real shift happened for me when I discovered that I could actually learn something from these vent-sessions. Of course, I could choose to just continually complain about the box I’m in, but what’s really helped is taking the time to listen to myself. Are the same exact issues and problems coming up time and time again? Because if they are, that’s where the opportunity is to learn something about myself. I’ve talked about it in the past, but it’s been really helpful to me to shift from, “Poor me! My box is so itchy and uncomfortable,” to, “What can I personally do to get myself out of this box?”

Using my time with friends and professionals to focus less on the problem and more on the solution shifts the power back to me. And you guys know how much I love power and control—yumm-y! 

Now that I’m out of the game of trying to change other people, my focus is:

What can I do to approach my reality in a way that supports
feeling less frustrated by my life and the people in it?

Here are some examples of patterns and remedies that seem to pop up often in my life:

1. I get frustrated with people who I feel should give me a certain kind of support, but aren’t really capable of giving me that support. So when I hear myself yapping about that, I know the solution is to go to the people in my life who are capable of offering me the support I crave. (And I talk about this in my episode: The Dangers of Expectations)
2. Sometimes I get in a negative head space and everything and everyone gets under my skin. This is a clear indicator to me that I need a timeout. I used to think that everyone else needed to change, now I know that if I have a problem with everyone and everything—the problem is me! (I cover this topic in more detail in the post: Dashboard Lights)
3. Then there are times when I’m bad mouthing someone. That almost always means it’s time for me to have a chat with that person. But, a close friend and I joke—we can ‘M/F’ someone with each other, but the goal is to get calm and clear before approaching that person. (And you can listen to a bit more on this topic in the episode: Gossip and Criticism – This Is What’s REALLY Going On)

My overall point though TeamC is that I can go on and on and on with, “It’s so unfair…He should know this by now…They don’t respect my boundaries…,” Blah, blah, blah. But if I stay locked in that powerless victim place and don’t switch the vent session to what I can actually DO about the situation, I’m missing the opportunity for true growth, change, and friendship. Listen, no one likes a complainer. And it’s even more difficult if my buddies have to listen to me complain about the same friggin’ thing over and over again while also doing nothing to change the situation. And you all know I’m not referring to the other person changing, because I know full-well that’s not going to happen. Buuuuut, that doesn’t mean change isn’t possible. The change can begin (and sometimes end) with me.

Change, change was all she did—
Finally, we got to remove the lid!

Let’s hear it for breaking out of old, uncomfortable boxes Team! 

Thanks so much for tuning in today everyone. Now, I went a little link-crazy in this episode, so please be sure to click around if you’d like to listen or read more on this, “What am I going to do about it?” topic. And let’s say “good-bye” to January together, can you believe tomorrow is February?! Talk to you next month TeamConfessioners!

The Power of the Plan – How I Got Everything I Have
Adult Growth Spurts – They’re a Real Thing