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Valentine’s Day is Coming – Let’s Talk About Fighting

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Many people–you know who you are–grew up in homes where there was fighting, yelling, name calling, tears, the silent treatment. Others grew up in homes where disagreements looked more like rational discussions. (I know, I didn’t think it existed either.)

Sometimes I forget that I’m now mature enough to handle confrontation. I also forget that I’m usually in an environment where conflict doesn’t actually have to be avoided. Most of the people I surround myself with don’t raise their voices, name call, or interrupt others when they’re talking. However, that little girl inside me will still go far out of her way to avoid either feeling unsafe or risk hurting someone else’s feelings.

Brene Brown’s quote from Atlas of the Heart really resonates: “….when you hold someone accountable for hurtful behaviors and they feel shame, that’s not the same as shaming someone. I am responsible for holding you accountable in a respectful and productive way. I’m not responsible for your emotional reaction to that accountability.” Ohhhhhh.

Facing conflict can be like going to the gym for me. I can’t wait for the day to come when I want to go to the gym, because that day will never come. I just have to do it. But, also like the gym, I don’t have to dread going anymore. I just have to take my time, show up, and do the best I can.

One-two-three, say it, “Can I talk with you about something that’s been on my mind?”

It’s comforting to know that my job in a relationship is to focus on speaking my truth even if that’s hard for me to do. My job in a relationship is definitely not to protect another person from things that may be difficult for them to hear. If someone does happen to blow up, or shut down when I speak my truth, that’s not on me. HOWEVER, having stated all of that, whatever my issue might be…it can wait till February 15th.


**Happy Valentine’s Day, TeamConfessioners**

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  1. ugh… these are huge areas of struggle for me… both bringing stuff up and hearing things… (not even going to mention the gym!) But, as always, I appreciate the reminder that I can still work to improve in both areas… thanks Mags

    • Amen. I wasn’t kidding about the 1-2-3 thing. I have to do it like I’m jumping off a cliff…it’s so bizarre.
      As always, thanks so much for checking in Daniel, it’s nice to know we’re all struggling along.

Welcome to my blog! Here you can read about what’s on my mind as I try my best to recover from screaming at my kids and nagging the bejesus out my husband.

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