Hello TeamConfessioners, I’ve missed you! After an emotional summer of loss, parenting challenges, emptier nesting, friends, gardening and more—it doesn’t surprise me that today’s episode topic is: starting over.

It feels like I’m surrounded by people who are beginning anew right now. Whether it’s a hip replacement or being away at college for the first time, all of my people (including myself) are navigating the challenges of fresh starts.

There hasn’t been a fall in the past ten seasons when I haven’t had trouble getting the car started back up. The reality is, though, when I launch my season is completely at my discretion, which makes getting started a superb opportunity to work on my control/perfection recovery game. But Team, ya know what friggin’ happened while I thought I was doing that? Flippin’ martyrdom snuck right the heck in there. Friends, if we looked at my calendar from the last two weeks we would see, not writing, recording, and researching, but rather: lunch with this one, time chatting with that one, a check-in over here, a heart-to-heart over there. Guys, my planner was overflowing with the pursuit of caring for others. Others, I might add, who were not begging to be cared for.

Let’s note that I’ve had a lovely time with the people I’ve been connected to in the past several weeks. Calls from the precious college kids, meetings with counselors and teachers, phone chats with my buddies, visits with my beloved family members—I would not reschedule a single thing. Actually scratch that. If I hadn’t been raised Catholic, there would’ve been at least three things I would have said “no” to. But Catholic roots or not, at some point I had to recognize my pattern, walk away from my phone, and start the damn car already!

So beginning anything has me questioning: Where does gentleness meet just do it? Team, you know—tenderness is not my default setting, so it can feel incredibly freeing for me to avoid work in the name of being gentle to myself. It’s likely because I feel I’m making up for decades of wiping too many butts, paying too many bills, and trying to catch just about everything before it crashed on the floor. But, no matter how “justified” I may feel, not doing what needs doing is an overcorrection. So where’s the sweet spot? Do it. But, do it gently. 

Team, I have absolutely spent more energy avoiding this recording session than I did preparing for it. I’m not saying I bribed myself with a treat, I’m just saying the treat is gone and I’m very proud of Bill and me. Not a very efficient start, but very, very gentle. Right Bill?

(Bill answers.)