A few months ago one of the kids was at the tippy top of my naughty list. While I can’t remember why now, I’m guessing it was because they weren’t helping me around the house enough. Ah, the plight of the self-absorbed teenager. 

Well, I noticed that, even though I shared with my husband how inconsiderate the little bugger was, he was all palsies with this kid like they were God’s gift to TeamDe. So after they spent a blissful day together, I sarcastically said to him, “Oh, and did you paint each other’s toenails too?”

He replied, “No. We braided.”

There’s nothing like a common enemy to really feel like you’re close to someone. But while I long for my spouse to be as annoyed as I am with the kids, I have to remind myself that having balance is a good thing. As much as I would love to make the twerps truly suffer—we don’t have to double-team them for every infraction. The hammer and the hugger approach is a delightful blend of letting them know their actions can be incredibly annoying while also reminding the knuckleheads that they’re still very loveable.

And speaking of middle ground—the hammer and the hugger (aka TeamConsequence and TeamMercy) can also be helpful when someone from TeamConsequence goes a little off the deep end. I’m not going to mention any names, but a few months ago, a certain micromanaging perfectionist martyr was seconds away from reprogramming the code to our back door. Which, friends, is essentially the 2026 version of changing all the locks. Let’s just say, thank you, TeamMercy, for preventing a complete, disproportionate disciplinary takeover.

And while G and I ebb and flow with which team we’re on, you might be noticing a little pattern in who takes which side more often. But, I’m completely at peace with being the resident hammer, Team. If Mr. Huggy Pants spent as much time with them as I do, he’d have been promoted to drill sergeant decades ago. I don’t need to tell you guys—the more time you spend with them, the more they annoy the crap out of ya. Lucky for them, G Man provides a little yin to settle down my yang. 

And, this is when we pause to honor the single parents. G and I talk about it all the time—parenting as a team is hard enough. We don’t know how parents raising children alone do it. So, to my close friends and family members who are sole caregivers: whenever you need me to, I will happily hate on or love up your kids. You just say the word and I will come over and figure out how to reprogram every single door code in your house—no questions asked. 

Thanks for listening, Team!